emmaqueen (emmaqueen) wrote in glbt_muslim,

Struggling :) but not alone

maybe we all have diffrent stories
we have a diffrent culture, diffrent country and diffrent personalities but we all know that we are what we are

i have through hard time to be able to accept myself for who iam
a lot of tears, struggles, fear even madness
and i believe, there is a time in our lifetime, we questioning about this situation to our Rabb
sometimes it must be so desperated to know the answer.

like.. life itself hard to cope with and now, our sexual orientation pressing us even more
but you know.. i dont know myself yet why am i like this
maybe how my family raise me, or how school teach me, how society influence me or.. maybe it just me.

i think a lot of us just wanna share our deepest secret without a single judge
but its just naive isnt? to want people to accept us when we cant fully accept ourself.
at least that what i feel.

i accpet for who iam, but also as muslim i cant close my eyes and say this is wrong and this is right
my ability to decide whats wrong and whats right seem unclear now
because somehow i know who i am, and i know i capable to do whatever i wanna do
like falling in love with someone. to a girl , to feel somthing that have a sexuality urges along
but somehow i know for sure that it is zina.
thats not an argument, that a fact, a reality that certainly explain in Quran
and i just cant figure out, how could all of this make sense.
how could my life make sense.
this is like a game without gameover.

we all life in fear, we all life with guilty, we all life with lies. we all life in loneliness.
so.. whoever, out there
who need someone to talk to, who need someone to listen to them without a single judge
i just wanna know that im here
because im lonely too, bc im struggling too, bc im trying to have better life too.
so feel free to email me : emma.queer@gmail.com
or KIK me : lovabuzz

Salaam, Emma
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